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5 Of Modern History’s Dumbest Inventions (Came From One Guy)


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5

The Lampifier - The Entire Living Room In One Lamp

Move over unitaskers. Make way for the greatest multipurpose lighting/entertainment/appliance/furniture/storage and pet apparatus of the 20th century. The Lampifier is a Swiss army knife when it comes to home decor. It might be cheating to include this beauty on the list because it's actually 12 products in one. The stunning three bulb lamp not only illuminates your room but six transparent photos of you and your family. Nestled next on this futuristic Christmas tree is an AM/FM radio, flanked by a small candy bowl platter, orbiting around the central lamp post. 

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Never suffer the indignity of having cold candy again.

If candy doesn't sound filling enough for you, the subsequent level contains a pleasant three-foot table for you to eat your meals at. And if you enjoy more of a, uh, liquid dinner, fear not, for your evening nightcap and morning hangover is not far out of reach. The Lampifier comes with two bottles of your favorite hooch built into it. Your choice of liquor is also accompanied by six glasses if you were so inclined to share (or are the specific kind of alcoholic that needs a new glass each round). You'll also find a small table holding a telephone. The phone itself is included with the purchase of the Lampifier, making it the only smartphone that serves you liquor (until they make the iPhone XXX).

The very bottom of the Lampifier is an umbrella stand built into a flower pot. The flowers are then watered by the run-off from your umbrella, though it's rather incredulous to believe that it rains enough for the flowers to be satiated year-round. Though we suppose it could also catch any spilled soda water from mixing your six cocktails. The stand has space for four umbrellas and comes with a matching his-and-hers pair. To top it all off -- the umbrella stand also houses a sterling silver ashtray and a three-tiered magazine rack.

If the amount of freebies this product includes isn't already overwhelming, what really takes the cake is that the Lampifier is topped with a canary cage and a live bird. Slap some wheels on the bottom of this baby, and you have the single most versatile home furnishing that anyone has ever conceived of.

4

Aerial Assault Law Enforcement - Turning Cops Into Cartoon Characters

In a strange concept that looks like it would be used by the metalbenders of The Legend of Korra's Republic City Police -- Hugo Gernsback envisioned a new way of putting an end to those pesky gangsters of the 1930s.


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